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New Year New Me New Dating

As we embark on a New Year, many of us will indulge ourselves in that age-old tradition of New Year's resolutions, a ritual that encapsulates us all regardless of our creed, race, or gender. Most of us will reflect on the past year or ten and dutifully take inventory of our failures and successes like an accountant with a Mensa IQ.

A New Start

Ideas of self-improvement will trickle down like a beautiful stream. Perhaps we may even create a vision broad or write down what our goals and dreams will be for the next year or so. It's easy to look back with a 20/20 perception and think about the mistakes we've made and fooled ourselves into believing that we won’t fall into the rabbit hole again but that would be delusional especially when we still carry along with the same “tools” in our “life-bag.” Like Prometheus, we end up rolling the boulder up the hill again only to do the same thing again and again.

In the area of dating it's easy to fall into a pattern of bad choices that can lead to a countless number of broken hearts and awful relationships. To change these patterns, we must become more self-aware as well as change our thinking. In the book, "Think and grow rich" the author states, "Truly, thoughts are things and powerful things at that". When we truly know what we want, why we want it and what's stopping us from getting those things, we become empowered and are able to get what we need.

So here are some tips on Dating habits not to take into next year and decade.

1) Unrealistic expectation

       Most people have an ideal person already created in their heads when it comes to dating. This person is perfect in every way. They say and do all the right things at the right time. Unless you are some kind of Robotics Engineer or Genie, this is not the reality. Honestly, nobody is perfect, so you have to accept people for who they are and not what you were expecting them to be. That will save you a lot of heartbreak and frustration.

2) Self-hate

          Low self-esteem, depreciated self-value, and poor self-worth comes from not loving yourself, while expecting someone else to do the job. A relationship CANNOT cure you of these things. Taking time to take care of your mental, emotional and physical state are some of the things that will assist in the healing process. Saying affirmations to yourself like "I love you" or "I am proud of you" every day can help boost self-esteem, value, and worth. Sometimes seeking professional help from a therapist helps to reveal where the self-hate is coming from so you can start at the root to heal.  Imagine a wound that festers yet has been covered with a Band-Aid. Away from prying eyes it may seem all right, however, underneath there is a small pool of pus and rot eating away at the healthy tissue around it. That is what unchecked devaluation of self can do. It can begin to turn good things into unsalvageable remnants of who you are. Fortunately, we have plenty of “cleansing” tools within our grasp to assist. Research has shown that exercising can improve mental health.  So take some time out to do some yoga, meditate or take a nice walk around the neighborhood.

It is time to stop wearing false band-aides that do nothing to truly help your healing.

3) Staying in your comfort zone

          It's time to get out of your comfort zone and experience new things, meet new people and face new challenges. Staying in the same place afraid to move for fear of failure, pain or the unknown is a very uneventful way to live. New experiences teach you about life, new people teach you about the world around you and new challenges teach you about yourself. So don't be afraid to move to a new city, change your hair or date someone that's not your "type". Just don’t stay in that box you “checked” yourself into, oh so long ago.

In Conclusion

The beginning of anything is always filled with excitement, nervousness, and challenges. Our mindset is the thing that will determine whether we succeed or not. Reflecting and learning from the past is a very helpful tool that can be used to teach us what and how to change.  If you want to see better results in your dating life, to establish meaningful and genuine connections, it needs to start from within. Life contains many consistencies and inconsistencies but it allows for one to restart or reinvent oneself on a daily basis, so start asking yourself what do you really want and the same energy you give to less deserving folks; Are you willing to invest in yourself?

          “Your worth doesn’t depreciate because somebody doesn’t appreciate you.” -TWRP


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